Wow, almost two years!

Since I last blogged!! For my possible followers still out there, I'm still alive and well. I am sure you thought nothing less, though. I am still working out near daily (6 days a week and one rest day) and doing "bonus workouts", which are walks with my kids while I still can (weather-depending).

I started a new job on February 1st of this year. It has taken a lot of my time, not because it is challenging, but it was a step up for me and I am now working 80 hours a pay period (which doesn't sound impressive by any means, but I was 5 hours less/pp at my old job and that has made a big difference). I am still killing it with my side business doing photography, and am almost TOO busy. I have my loyal repeat clients and these new ones come to me and they really just want photos of their family and I can't bear the thought of them getting ripped off by one of the "big places" in town, so I offer my shoots for $75 a session. $100 for senior shoots (seniors in high school, not the elderly, although I'd definitely give them a silver discount). Speaking of seniors, I am still in the senior housing industry, although my new role is in marketing, not human resources. It was tough to leave the job I loved and knew for over 11 years, but it was time. The hours were having to be cut across the board due to low census, and now I don't ever have to worry about that. I have joined another non-profit company which is expanding and also delivers an excellent service to seniors. I would never say anything bad about my last employer, as I loved it. I think it's a great role for the one who is in it now, and I run into her from time-to-time. She's a great fit. I took a lot of pride in what I did and was happy to "hand off the baton", so to speak.

So what exactly does it mean to be in marketing? It may sound as if it's one of those things where I am selling. Not really. I get to take phone calls and tour families through our beautiful facilities, which are more like a five star hotel than anything else. The place sells itself. I get to talk and give the specifics while getting to know these wonderful families, and see them through the moving process, which can sometimes be tough. It's a change. I like it to be a positive thing. I am told more than once that I have been "wonderful" throughout the process, and I don't ask for compliments by any means, but it makes me happy to know they're happy. I guess a friendly smile does go a long way. Other things I get to do -- well, I was able to demonstrate my photography skills at work and that took me to suddenly getting a new laptop at work with all the software I need (InDesign, Photoshop, and Illustrator). I somehow have the nicest damn setup of anyone at the whole place. I am happy to get to use the "art" and "photography" part of my degree so I work on brochures and our website and have fun with all of that.

THE KIDS. Yes, the kids. Andrew is now NINE YEARS OLD. He's in third grade, enrolled at a different school as of December of 2014, one that has the programming he needs (EBD Specialist). Basically, if his body needs to take a break, it is perfectly acceptable for his homeroom teacher to send him to the special classroom, where the teacher (who KNOWS him in and out) is there to support him. He takes his tests there. He has a therapy dog available to him. There is a "treehouse" indoors he can sit at. He can earn rewards for good days. He has a point/behavior sheet he carries with him throughout the day. He has all of the needs met through his IEP, including OT services. When his body is ready to go back to class, he can. His teacher impressed me on our initial tour, because she said, "we won't set him up for failure, so if his body isn't ready to go back, he can stay here, even if that means all day". WOW. As it is, most days he just starts and ends his days there, as is customary for all the "EBD kids". I can't tell you how impressed I am with this school. This is public school, by the way. In Wisconsin, I believe we lead the nation, or are at least at the top of the list for public schools. His homeroom classroom has 13 kids. He has a special desk that goes up and down. An adaptive PE teacher that will break down the tasks for him (he has dyspraxia as one of his diagnoses which means most complicated tasks like dribbling a ball, jumping rope, or doing obstacle courses are impossible for him to complete himself). Also, Andrew wears size 6 men's shoes. Yeah. Big feet.

Elise is 6 now and enjoying first grade. We have battled anxiety the past several years but this year, haven't had one single bout of it. Knock on wood. She has already been invited to two birthday parties. When I dropped her off at the one yesterday, the birthday girl ran up to her: "ELISE!" and gave her a huge hug. My girl is more reserved than me. It's funny to see her quiet personality around others. At home, she can be rather demanding because I think she seeks attention at times. It's all good. I enjoy doing her hair for her. Most of the time, she paints her own nails, sloppy or not. I am all about her being independent.

Jameson turned 5 last month, a few days before his big brother turned 9. He's just started pre-k (half days) at school. He's definitely quieter than his older brother, and will fit in nicely in the classroom. He is a rule follower and a listener/observer. He likes to play quietly; always has. It's so funny how different he is than Andrew was... I didn't realize way back when that it was so abnormal that Andrew wouldn't play by himself or with anything. Or that he wouldn't sit still and would jump down the hall or crawl instead of walk (he still does this now at age 9). In pre-k, Andrew didn't understand basic instructions such as "sit outside the circle" (taped circle on the classroom floor). "No, move backwards" -- he'd move forwards. "Move this way". He'd move that way. It all has to do with proprioception/body awareness.

That's about it in a nutshell. I am too busy to think sometimes. I feel overwhelmed with most everything some days, but I power through. I run on little sleep and fill up on exercise. What doesn't kill me makes me stronger, as Kelly Clarkson would say.  ;)

Mom's purse

This is one of those random things I am jotting down simply because I thought of this and it made me smile.

I am at work and went to grab some gum out of my purse and it reminded me of how my kids will go through my purse looking for gum. It's one of those things where I explain to them that they need to ask and that they're not supposed to go through peoples' things without asking, but it doesn't upset me so bad, because I remember rummaging through my mom's purse as a kid (along with my siblings) and getting all excited when we would strike gold and find gum or Tic Tacs or something. I also remember my grandmother giving us Certs or gum (half a stick; she would split the DoubleMint gum in half for us) out of her purse (she even would have a can of Pepsi, unopened, in her purse for when we went to the local festivals or wherever, she would share her "hot" Pepsi with us, which tasted surprisingly good, considering it wasn't even on ice or anything. I think it was just because it was from Grandma).

Someday, my kids will hopefully think back, just like I am now, and remember the little things in life that made them smile. Mom's purse (with her gum hidden inside) may just be one of those happy memories so for now, it's one of those things where I am only half-serious when I crack down on them for "digging".

Elise lost a tooth!

Yes, the four year old. Not surprising, considering her older brother began losing them a week after his 4th birthday. She was so proud and kept looking in the mirror and smiling. She was happy to find a dollar under her pillow (on the couch, where she prefers to sleep, but whatevs) today.

Steady as she goes . . .

This woman is BUSY! My daily life is basically dragging my ass out of bed at the last possible moment, rushing my oldest off to summer school, getting in the shower and doing things as fast as possible (I could win a speed leg shaving contest, no cuts and smooth as butter), driving off to work safely yet speedy, having my day here where I do my thang, going home for my half hour lunch, where I speed eat and zip back to work, coming home at 4 where the children greet me, getting ready for either a workout at the Y (Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays there -- Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays I run from home) or getting the kids ready to go to the park for a walk, eating a quick supper, bedtime routine (CRAZY STRESS!!!), Facebooking/social networking (is that still a "term"?), working on pictures, and heading to bed by 12:30 or so.

I have been insanely busy with photoshoots, but this is a good thing. This summer, I have done lots of senior sessions and have found that I am really the most passionate about that. I still love family shoots. It's crazy, I have done probably close to 80 shoots over the past few years and I still get nervous for them. Then once I'm there, I get into my groove, and the only way to describe it is I'm almost in my own little world. I interact with the people but I feel like all the stress of the world leaves me and I just aim for that happy place. I am a little perfectionist too and if I am not feeling something right where the subject(s) is standing, I will have us move. I need perfect lighting and that magical light this time of year happens around 5:30. Other photographers will know what I mean. Mmm, it just paints the subject.

Workout-wise, I am kicking ass. Let's just be honest. I am up 3-4 pounds from where I was 2 years ago, however, I lowered my body fat, lost 3.5 inches off my waist, and people are finally starting to say, "wow, you are ripped". Now, I know what "ripped" means, and I am not there nor am I willing to commit to a diet that a fitness model would have, but I know I can celebrate that I have come far from where I was and I can say that I am stronger. I can do 3 sets of 10 of 85 pounds on an overhead press and ain't no shame in that for a female. I'm doing the 30 pounders (free weights) for my standing curls, as well as for lunges and squats and all my legwork. Working out is my one escape -- the one thing I can do where nobody is demanding things from me. I set the pace -- I aim for my goals -- nobody is going to ever take my STRENGTH from me. I also am keeping up with the running -- 4.5 months in now. I recently did an 8:06 minute mile on my (treadmill) 5K. I would love to do a "real" 5K in the fall.

The first pic here is from October of 2012, just as I joined the Y.

The second picture is from June 27th, 2014, so about a month ago:

 

The kids are really doing great -- besides our crazy (think late nights and a frustrated mom) bedtime routine, they're at the age where they're relatively easy. I am still nursing (gasp!) Elise (4.5) and Jameson (almost 3) -- never intended to go this long but a little antibodies/stem cells never hurt. I hope they wean soon and it will most likely be a gradual, self-weaning type thing.

I think that's about all I have as far as an update goes! I'm still kicking, just busier than I ever thought I'd be.

What happens when you have too much energy?

Like I do?!

Well, you tend to come off as rushed, but you really aren't. You walk fast, talk fast, and charge around like a woman with a mission.

You say all your thoughts, even if they are random and seemingly insignificant to others (like, "hey, my new Phillips Sonicare toothbrush is like a light sabre for my teeth!!" -- actual thought by me. Who cares? Probably nobody!).

The problem with having this amount of energy is you have SO much of it at night because you are charged up further by your evening workouts and your only alone time is once the kids are in bed, which some nights can be as late as 11:30 for kiddo #3, that you end up staying up until 12:30 most nights.

Then the next morning you hate yourself and you just want to lie in bed, but you have to get up for work.

Yes, yes.

Repeat daily. This is my life!

Friday, Friday . . .

Holy hell, am I ever tired today. I did go to sleep at 11:45 last night, probably falling asleep around midnight. That is the earliest I normally go to bed. Otherwise it's usually 12:30. Earlier this week -- Tuesday night, I finished up a photo session and then hit the hay by 1:20. I am still waking at night because Elise and Jameson night nurse, so it's right back to sleep for me (and them), but interrupted sleep nonetheless.

This whole getting 5-6 hours of sleep is for the dogs, but I know this, too, shall pass. (I hope?)

Today is rest day for me in terms of my workout stuff, so I welcome that, even though working out is what gives me energy and keeps me centered. A day of rest a week is good. I am not sure what I will do with the kids tonight, but we have been in the habit of taking them to the Family Fun Center at the Y, because there is a big room for them to run around in. They have slides and a climbing wall (think McDonald's Playplace, but better and probably less greasy). The best thing about it is the room is staffed, so I can sit on my tablet and read while this college aged kid chases my kids around and plays tag. I look up and laugh as I see them laughing and just being kids.

What else... oh, I lost my mother's necklace -- my new one (I have 5 of them). It's a 3 disc, personalized necklace that has my kids' names etched into it. I got it as a Groupon deal so only paid $40 for it, but it's precious to me and I lost it last Wednesday and have re-traced my steps and made phone calls. Nothing. So irritating. I feel like I took it off at home and put it in my jewelry box like I always do and I have talked to the kids and they didn't take it. Ugh. St. Anthony, come through! ;)

That's my update. Pretty exciting stuff, folks. ;)

Weekend craziness . . .

I sometimes feel guilty that I feel more "relaxed" when it's the work week. Sure, I can lay in bed (slightly -- very slightly) longer on the weekends, as I don't have to rush to get ready for work, but other than that, weekends can be very rough. I love spending the time with my kids, but I feel like they act up more because I am around, and I know that's all part of the deal but the days can be long. I made sure we got lots of time, then, this weekend to burn off some of that energy. Friday evening I took them to the family fun center at the Y and they had a blast. Both yesterday and today, we took hikes because we finally got up to 60 degrees (today hit 62, yesterday it wasn't quite that high, but the wind wasn't as bad). We celebrated my mom's birthday (which was actually Friday) tonight at her house and I was happy all four of my siblings could make it (it's hard with work schedules and the like).

All in all, it was a good weekend, but Monday is sounding refreshing. I really do need to focus on all the good but the stress part of me takes over and it's a struggle.

Blog hiatus... coming to an end? I'm BACK!

I have absolutely no idea if anyone is still following this blog, but I wanted to put my thoughts down and get back to the reason why I started this blog: to share my feelings, because as time goes on, I don't remember the day-to-day musings I have... only the big milestones with my kids. And heck, even some days, I have no idea what I did yesterday, as in my constant sleep-deprived state, my short-term memory can be terrible.

First, a little update on the kids. Andrew has been keeping me busy with his adjustment to full-day kindergarten (last year was half-day pre-school). He is still going to weekly OT at the clinic, and his therapist is wonderful. The only thing that is troublesome is that at school, his behavior can be great one day or maybe two days in a row and then he will have an atrocious day, which results in him in tears, the principal writing a note to send home for me to sign, and phone calls from the teacher on suggestions for his behavior. She stated the other day that in 20 years of teaching, she has never seen behavior like this. Talking to other parents of sensory kids, I am finding his behavior is somewhat typical, but I think Andrew is able to "hide" the fact that he has "issues" because he "seems so normal". He's not in a wheelchair, he doesn't have a speech impediment, he can carry on a conversation just like any other kid, so I think oftentimes, adults and other kids alike will be shocked when they see him suddenly on the ground, crying as if it's the end of the world when told he can't go to Grandma's house or have another cookie. Public places are still a struggle for him. If we go to anyone's house, he starts foraging through the cupboards, looking for a snack, and one of the things that is totally characteristic of ADHD kids is that need for immediate gratification, versus a delayed reward. Andrew doesn't care about consequences in the moment, and he is that mouse that would go in the trap for the cheese because his need takes over his logic.

His actual diagnosis from October, 2012 is Sensory Integration Disorder and motor dyspraxia (specifically fine motor). At the time he was being monitored for ADHD as well, although it is pretty apparent he has that too. These disorders all tend to go hand-in-hand, meaning many kids with sensory issues also have ADHD, or kids with a specific learning disorder also have another impairment.

I attended a meeting last week, an interdisciplinary team meeting with his teacher, the principal, the school social worker, the guidance counselor, the school OT, the adaptive physical education teacher, and the EBD Program Specialist. The meeting closed up the 60 day review period they had to determine Andrew's eligibility for special education. We did, as a team, determine that he met eligibility for an IEP under OHI (other health impairment) and he also meets the criteria for EBD services, as his behaviors are frequent and prevalent. The one area they all saw as an area of concern is his aggression, which  caught me a little off-guard because Andrew is not "aggressive" but when he gets upset, he has thrown shoes, knocked over the bookcase at school, thrown his scissors down on the floor (because cutting is hard for dyspraxic kids), etc. So he's not bullying other kids but he does have problems with voice inflection so he has yelled at kids and teachers.

The options that came about from this meeting are:

1) Keep Andrew at his school for the remainder of the year, adding in the services he now qualifies for (one of these I am really happy about is that he will get 5 days a week of quality time with the guidance counselor whom he adores -- they work on communicating with words instead of tears/yelling and they also do relaxation activities like yoga -- Andrew really likes it)

or

2) Transfer him to a school with EBD services, as his school is too small and doesn't have them;

or

3) Keep him at his school for this year and then transfer him to the new school opening up next fall, which has EBD services too. EBD services, for those not familiar -- EBD stands for Emotional and Behavioral Disorder and an EBD classroom would allow Andrew to be in a regular classroom for the day, but the EBD room would be there when he needs it, and would be equipped with anything he might need -- anything to accommodate a kid with sensory or behavioral needs.

Most likely, we are going with Option 3, as I have just learned that one of the Childcare workers at the Y (where he is now "banned" from) is doing her clinicals (student teaching) in Andrew's classroom and he clicked really well with her.

That is my update on Andrew. It's been a lot to take in. I am thinking we will be discontinuing his current OT at the clinic -- let another kid take his spot -- as if he is able to get what he needs at school, then it's more convenient than me leaving work 1.5 hours early every Wednesday. The school OT did find a lot of sensory-type things in her assessment of him and in the meeting, she said she WANTS to work with Andrew. I was impressed with her, and she seemed intelligent and resourceful.

Moving on to the other kids: they are very typical for their age. Elise is four now and coloring at about a first grade level. She goes through a coloring book a week, on average, and is loving coloring and puzzles. Jameson is 2.5 and enjoys playing independently and following his sister around. She is "bossy cat" and she tells "baby cat" what to do and they crawl around the house together, meowing. It's adorable! Jameson is refusing potty training but we are able to catch a few. It will come in time, I am sure. Elise is really into My Little Pony and has an endless supply of dresses. She changes her clothes at least 3 times a day.

As for me, I am working out 6 days a week: 3 days of straight cardio (36 minutes) and 3 days of strength training (1 hour). I have lost 3 inches off my waist since I started, but am up just a few pounds since starting. Because I do see a change in my muscles, I am attributing the gain to that, and am trying not to focus on the scale. I am; however, focusing on healthier eating. I have become a tea "addict" and drink 5-6 cups a day. I love it, especially black tea (Black Cherry organic, at the moment).

Oh, and on March 13th, I got a tattoo! I have been wanting one for over a year and I finally did it. It barely hurt, like seriously 1/10th of the pain I anticipated. It would be akin to taking a calligraphy pen and writing hard on yourself. Maybe a slight "carving" feel to it, but it wasn't bad at all. It took all of 12 minutes or so, but I could have withstood it longer. Not bad at all! Obviously it's my kids' first initials and their birthdates. I originally wanted it on the outer part of my upper arm, but decided on a more discreet place, just in case I have to "hide" it at work or something. The tattoo artist suggested inner arm, and a google search yielded plenty of results where women had them on their inner bicep and I thought it looked great. It's also apparently the celebrity "go to" spot now, not that I care what celebs say or do. I am so out of touch with pop culture!

I am still working full-time and doing photography on the side. My spring/summer busy season has just begun, with a newborn/family shoot I did yesterday.

The past year, for me, has been about "finding myself" and figuring out where I fit into this thing called life where the primary focus has always been my kids. I never envisioned doing some soul searching, but I like what my search has yielded. :) More good things will come in the future.

I think that's enough typing for now. I hope I still have followers. LOL! If not, this is here so I can come back to it.

Thursday's "The Office" quote

I love this show. Haha. I have one of those daily calendars on my desk and today's quote made me laugh.

Funny "Office" quote off my calendar today:

Jim, if he won the lottery: "I'd probably buy a big piece of land in Maine, build a house, work in town. Somewhere I could bike to or kayak to. I'd either bike to my job at the kayak shop or kayak to my job at the bike shop."

Sometimes it's too much.

I have many friends (online and in real life) with kids the same age as my oldest. I continue to see things they make at school. A friend just posted some adorable valentines she made with her daughter, who is actually younger than my oldest (she's 4; my son is almost 5.5). She printed both her classmates' name as well as her own.

Andrew still can't do this.

My heart breaks for him, so much that it brings tears to my eyes. We don't make a big deal out of it, but it makes me so sad because he has dyspraxia and he can't help it, yet when I see age-appropriate handwriting from kids his age and younger, it's like a little punch to the gut. I see some progress in school with his ability to trace lines and shapes, and some with the letter tracing, too ... but he cannot outright make a letter. And he's too young to realize that it will become an issue if things can't be fixed.

The truth is, in his interdisciplinary team meeting we had in October, they seemed to give me little hope that he would be able to write.

It doesn't change my opinion of him, as I am SO proud of him for all that he is and everything he has accomoplished thus far and they have assured me that not only is he smart, but he's highly intelligent, but still . . . I think of all the things I did as a kid (writing and drawing were two of my favorite things) and I hope that he can someday do those things as well.

I don't want the other kids to treat him differently if he ends up having to use a laptop in school. I know some probably will. I know the kids in his class love him, but pre-schoolers are so innocent yet and untouched by society, almost. For example, Andrew wants to someday marry a girl in his class. She happens to be black. Kids don't see color or differences, and I love that about childhood.

To my Andrew, I love you, just as you are. I will always love you, forever.

Two Thumbs up and a You BETCHA!

I'm going to be starting a new thing where I recommend products, shows, or movies based on my own personal experience with them. This will be the first of many, I am sure.

Today I'm giving "Two Thumbs and a loud YOU BETCHA to a PBS/BBC series called Downton Abbey. You may have already heard of it because it got some recent awards and I think that only helped catalyst its already apparent success. Please remember that if you purchase/view the series, get the British version because the one that is played for us yahoos in the U.S. is an edited version which doesn't include as many views of the lush landscape. Apparently. I have not watched any of the US versions, only UK, so I cannot verify this, but learned of it on another blog I follow (which strictly reviews films/shows).

There are ways to find the show online (besides Netflix, of which I do not subscribe to -- too cheap here), if you know what you are doing. That is all I will say on that. I know people. Who know how to do things. /incongnito mode

The show originally aired in Britain (what is the difference between Britain/U.K./England anyway? -- I will just call it Britain) in 2010 and is presently in its third season on the American PBS. However, you can find the entire third season online if you would like to get ahead of the game and not have to wait until Sunday night to view the next episode (episode 5 is the next one coming, if I have my A game on).

Three nights or so ago, I started watching Season 1 and was immediately drawn in to the characters. It's strange because I am not a history "person" and while certain things are interesting to me from our past, I don't typically read strictly history-type books, because normally it's the elements of suspense/mystery/romance that draw me in, not this. HOWEVER, this series has plenty of romance and scandal to pique the interest of even the most cynical person.

The show begins in 1912, when the family finds out that the only male heirs to the estate have died on the Titanic. Lord and Lady Grantham have only daughters, three of them, and they are obviously a big part of the story here. It becomes pretty clear early on that it's the goal of the Lord and Lady of the household to marry off their daughter, Mary, to a suitable man (preferrably sucessful and with money, as that's how it was back then -- it was a shame to marry between "classes") who would become the heir.

The daughters are all different personality-wise, and all of the servants/maids of the household have their own interesting stories. I found myself caring for all of them and loving the way each scene jumped around enough to keep the interest going, but not so much to where it was confusing. The camera work is fantastic and I love the way the castle (Downton) is romanticized in a way that I wish I could go there and live in those times and live amongst these interesting people.

There is some humor at times that caught me off guard and had me laughing. I completely adore the grandmother: she's intelligent, witty, and outspoken enough. Read: she's so old she doesn't give a Fuck what she says, and she will tell it like it is. At first I thought she was pretty cold, but you will soon see she does have a heart and she's a sweet little thing. She's probably my most favorite character, not because her life is one of the most interesting stories, because it really isn't compared to the others, but because I can't wait to hear what she says next. There's the story of sweet Anna, who serves as the maid to Lady Mary (the "main" and oldest daughter), and the man who becomes her love interest (no spoilers here) -- I totally called that one before it happened, but there is some definite foreshadowing with this show so you can sometimes predict what's going to happen. There's the "evil" servant, Thomas, who is always seeming to be jealous of his fellow servants who are above him -- you will become so angered with him, but every show has to have a villain. And then there's Matthew, the "stud" of the series, who has so many things happen to him throughout the shows, you almost think he's going to surpass Vincent (Young and the Restless? I am not sure as I don't watch soap operas, but I remember hearing that there was a character named Vincent who somehow always survived despite everything happening to him). There are many more characters I have not mentioned here, but every episode seems to have plenty of different stories for the viewer to enjoy. And there's always the shocker at the end of the show, leaving us in suspense.

I am up to season three, episode 2, and am hoping to get all caught up this weekend.

That about sums it up for now, but anyhow . . . this show gets Two Thumbs up and a You Betcha from me. Definitely check it out. Watch the first episode and I bet you will want to continue watching just to find out what happens.

No apologies.

Sometimes he'll tell me things like, "you're too outgoing" or "you're definitely an extrovert."

So what?

Is it a bad thing to be "too talkative" or want to talk to people, even complete strangers? Hell, I could maybe make someone's day. What if I am at the clinic and someone is in the elevator and is having a bad day and I give that person a smile and he/she feels better, or wants to have a conversation?

I love people. Don't get me wrong: people can be bad people, annoying, or rude . . .  but overall, I think most people are good. Most people enjoy human contact. If they don't, I can usually tell the ones who want to keep to themselves. As part of my job, I interact with new people all the time as part of the interviewing/hiring process.

I enjoy life. Most of the time I am truly happy. I don't let much bring me down. It just bothers me that someone close to me gets "annoyed" by my personality because it is so different than his. And he doesn't see the day-to-day interactions I have and that people actually do like me (I think). I don't care that he's quiet, not a bit.

Do I annoy any of you? Be truthful!

I freaking love working out!

Seriously! It makes me feel amaze-balls. I now know what an "exercise high" is. Similar to birth euphoria, though not quite as good, in my opinion. :)

Fresh year, fresh outlook!

So, yeah. I had somewhat of a rough 2012. There were times I felt overwhelmed, down, and stressed to the max. I felt like there was so much to do both at home and at work and I felt I couldn't handle it. Not that I couldn't handle it like, "omigod, I'm going to kill myself or run away" because I don't think like that at all and have three beautiful children who are my everything, whom I live for, but something eventually had to happen. I took the counseling route and went roughly 10 times, and it really did help me out. I'm not just saying that . . . it was just good to talk to someone who cared and focused on what I had to say, and never did I feel I was being self-centered because I was focusing on my needs only at those sessions, but I guess that's the point of counseling. Shortly after finishing my counseling, I decided I wanted to join the Y. So that was mid-September and I've been going ever since.

And guess what, I feel amazing! At first I was a little intimidated because I tend to get "system overload" when I am at new places, particularly the Y where I didn't even know where to go (remember, my directionally challenged self has issues with this), so I asked for directions and had them explain where everything was, so at least I had that going for me. I started off swimming laps and did that 3 times a week for a month, and then I thought more and more about trying out an elliptical machine, you know, those intimidating contraptions I saw in college when I used to walk the track. Back then, I told myself that I'd never have the strength to use one of those and I'd end up looking like a fool.

So I ventured upstairs at the Y sometime in October and looked at the machines and hopped on and realized it wasn't bad at all. Amazingly, 10 minutes felt like an eternity! I then thought about doing weights, at the advice of some fellow workout girls, so I asked the Y worker to show me how to use the machines. I didn't really have a desire to bench press, so he showed me the Cybex machines. I started off light and slowly increased the weight amounts on the different machines to suit whatever I can handle.

About three months in here, and I am now doing 30 minutes on the elliptical and I feel so amazing. Last night, I had the best workout I had ever had, and felt as though I were on top of the world. I finish up with 15 minutes of weight training. (P.S., having an mp3 player helps to not focus on the time! Plus when I hear a good song, I want to keep listening and exercising.)

It's all crystal clear now: my house is clean and I'm keeping up with it so that stress isn't there, although I am busy at work, I am tackling things top-priority down, and working out has given me such a great positivity, more than I ever could have imagined it would. I'm even reading again! I had read a bunch of novels when I had Jameson 16 months ago and was on maternity leave, but hadn't done any reading since. More reading, less Facebook is part of my New Year's resolution.

I am thinking 2013 is going to be a great year for me. With a positive outlook and reflection on how far I've come (mentally and physically), it's motivation enough for me to keep a smile on my face. I can handle anything.


Not the best picture of me, but I'm smiling and took it just for this blog post. :) So there.


Do I still have readers?

Product LOVE!!

I don't do these very often, but the other day, I was just about out of my mineral make-up (which, anyone who knows me, knows that I love mineral makeup and have been using it 5 years now, singing its praise) so I combed the shelves at Walmart, looking for something I could use in the interim until I could place another Everyday Minerals order online. I wasn't patient enough to wait and I certainly can't go out in public with NOTHING on my face, yet I like the natural look of mineral make-up.

After about five minutes of reading ingredient labels on the back of a few products (I need paraben-free first and foremost, and as natural as possible), I found this: Physicians Formula Tinted Moisturizer.

At first I was a little leery: would a tinted moisturizer provide enough coverage to be sufficient? I used to have pretty bad skin (my teen years, I tried everything over the shelf and everything prescription-wise, including the dreaded Accutane, which I did 2 rounds of), but now it's not too bad, but what I like is an even look to the skin. So I bit the bullet (about $10) and figured for that price, it was worth a try.

Verdict: I applied it the next day (I actually used it over my regular moisturizer after I let it dry) and wow!! GREAT coverage! Not heavy at all and it gave my skin a natural look with a bit of a glow. I used the "light to natural" shade and it's perfect for my "regular" shade, and will probably try the shade one darker (tan or something) for summer. It does have somewhat of a strong scent, but it's not terrible. It gives a slight tingling feeling just after you've applied it (kind-of like when you use a minty balm on your lips) -- the feeling doesn't linger or anything. I will be stocking up on this product because one bad thing about Walmart, at least around here: sometimes they will run out of something and it takes awhile to get back in, or sometimes they stop carrying a product. Besides, I have this thing with stockpiling things I love. Don't be hatin! Sorry, Everyday Minerals, but I have found a better product! And I can buy it easily without having to wait 4 days for my order. And it's reasonably priced!

Here is the item description:

Certified organic by ECOCERT, Organics Wear guarantees the genuine practice of environmental respect through the formulation and manufacturing of this powder.

• 100% natural ingredients
• 100% free of harsh chemicals, parabens, GMOs, synthetic ingredients
• Lightweight formula
• Hydrates skin
• Evens skin tone with sheer and natural coverage
• Infused with organic water to nourish and restore skin's moisture balance
• Contains SPF 15
• Contains safflower seed oil, jojoba seed oil, avocado oil and shea butter
• Formulated with EcoBlend to condition, fortify and protect skin from environmental purities
• Organisoy helps even skin tone and texture to restore skin smoothness
• Contains eco-olive, a natural antioxidant that shields skin
• Naturally perfects and protects

PS, I did this review on my own accord, and only because I love this product so much. Nobody paid me to say this, which goes to show how I feel on this stuff. I give it five stars. :)

PPS, I just have to say, five years ago, it was IMPOSSIBLE to find paraben-free/natural products in stores. I know because I read every single label of every single foundation and powder out there and they ALL contained parabens. Parabens are estrogenizers and anything you put on your skin leeches into your bloodstream. You don't want to be putting estrogenziers on your face every day -- it's just bad. So that's when I turned to the internet and after tons of research, decided on Everyday Minerals. Which is a great product line, but I think the coverage with this OrganicWear, even being a tinted moisturizer and not a foundation, is even BETTER!

This is not the best pic because it's not like it's close-up, but I am wearing the tinted moisturizer here. Accessory not included. ;)

Black Friday, psh....

Look at Grandma. She's doomed!!

I don't get into it. I never have. I used to tag along with my mom, aunts, and grandma back in the day, but only because I didn't drive (seriously, no license until I was 23 -- both for stupid and personal reasons, including a fear of driving) and today, I STILL wouldn't drive in that mess. I wouldn't even know where to park and would fear being stuck somewhere or having people honk at me because I can't find a spot fast enough, or getting mowed down by some crazy lady with a shopping cart and three Samsung flat screen TVs in it.

Some things about humanity bother me more than others. I am not going to say I take any issue with those who go out and get deals because my mom, whom I adore, is one of those people who gets up at the butt crack of dawn and goes shopping before work (and then goes out again after work).

However, it's when I hear stories of people bursting through the doors, pushing and shoving to get their kids the greatest and latest "stuff". Why do we let commercialism rule our lives? Is there any reason why THIS [insert 2012's hot toy item] will suddenly be what your kids want?

I'll tell you something. My kids only know public television. This is because we don't have cable. One of the major reasons why we don't have cable is because I don't want commercialism brainwashing my children. They don't know who a lot of the characters are (Spongebob) and they don't ask for toys they see in the commercials because they don't see the commercials. I am okay with my kids watching public television (no, not all day, just a few shows they like the most) because it's innocent programming which is actually educational. My oldest learned all of his letters by sight by 25 months by watching SuperWhy. My daughter has now learned a lot of hers from that show, too. The kids love Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood and it's a cute show, I must admit!

We have one t.v. in our house. We will remain that way. My children will not have televisions in their rooms because they don't need them. And when they get to the age where they would like a cell phone because "Mo-om, all my friends have one... no fair", I will tell them that if they would like to get a job or baby-sit and pay for one themselves, they are welcome to. We are not in a world where it is impossible to live without a cell phone. Yet, people have become so reliant on them that they truly believe they can't function without one. Speaking of, I don't even have a smartphone. I don't even know if my phone is good enough to be called an "un-smart" phone. It's a regular ole' Tracfone which I can make/receive calls on (once a week, if that?) and text with. But I barely even use either feature. So I'm saving a lot of money by not having a contract and it costs me $100 a year total to own that phone.

My kids love books. At night when I'm home, they bring books to me and we read them. I have taped many of them and have become quite the master book repairer, but the books are well loved. I'm not saying some of those new toys aren't educational, but how many does a child really need? Play-doh time is also a favorite activity for us. It's a good, cheap, fun activity that allows them to be creative and use their imaginations.

Anyway, back to Black Friday. This weekend, DH did venture over to Menard's (surprise, surprise... for those who know him, he goes there multiple times a week and often leaves empty-handed -- just likes to browse). He brought home a painting kit (which we'll probably use -- we do have one wall in the living room we'd like to paint a deep plum), a set of glass bowls/containers (not Pyrex, but with snappable lids -- kind-of different, but practical), and two giant packages of toilet paper. Know what I'm excited about? The fact that I don't have to think about buying toilet paper for the next 4-5 months. Pretty darn awesome. :)

Geographical/directional Dyslexia

I have it!! HA! I finally have a name for this annoying thing I have. The inability to find my way around. Some people have a bad sense of direction. Mine is really bad!!

I am 32 years old, from a small enough area, yet I cannot figure out how to get someplace I've been hundreds of times if I try and drive there myself. I get all panicky. This is not a big city, but I cannot visualize how to get somewhere. I know in my head what the building looks like but have no idea which roads to go down to get there. I will spend 10-15 extra minutes navigating streets (some of them one way streets so I have to be careful), frantically searching for my destination. Many times, I will have driven past a place and then I always have to backtrack. Maps don't help, nor do directions. I have spent many sweaty minutes in my car, panicking over getting from point A to point B.

I can also be in the basement of my house I've lived in 7 years now and I don't know which rooms are above me. Whenever I leave the office at a clinic appointment, I stop outside the room and don't know how to get to the waiting area. I have constant dreams of being lost. In fact, I got lost during the first week of school in 7th grade, searching for my math classroom for 15 minutes before having to go to the office, and the secretary had to take me to class. I was 20 minutes late. It was a small school and only had one floor! My dreams, which are recurring, have the common topic of getting lost in school and not being able to find my locker, going on a trip and not being able to find the hotel room, or being lost on a cruise ship and unable to locate my family or our cabin. I wish I knew when someone said "go North", which direction that actually was. I do not "get" this concept and it doesn't come naturally to me. I have an amazing memory otherwise and can memorize things by sight and associate birthdays and dates with peoples' faces, and I'm an awesome speller and consider myself to have an above average reading level/intelligence, but directions = terrible. My mom is the same way but probably a little better at me at navigating.

P.S., don't mind me if I stop you and ask for directions. I honestly cannot help the way I am!! I have tried to get myself to "know" my way and it just doesn't work. Bah!

Not much going on . ..

My bathroom is mostly done being remodeled. The hubby put new wood flooring in and new ceramic tile by the tub/toilet (the area where if it gets wet, will be better to have tile vs. wood). Sunday into Monday, we painted the walls (he did more of it than I did. I hate painting but once we got going, it really wasn't bad and I actually like getting the fine detail areas).

Andrew has his first parent-teacher conference of the year tonight. Woohoo! :) I always enjoy going to these things and talking about his strengths/weaknesses. Plus since he has the same teacher as last year, we have already built a rapport. I love her and will seriously cry when he is done with this school year. But yet, he's blessed to have two years with her.

I am eating way too many cookies and that's kind-of counterproductive to working out. They're these Cafe Bistro Spekulatius cookies from Aldi. They're from Germany so no HFCS or GMO crap in them. Just good cookies. But I needed something to snack on at work since I literally only had water the other day and was like, this is not working to satiate my hunger.

I am going to pull the flute out in the next few days and play some Manheim Steamroller, as I do every year in November/December. I used to play much more. Much much more, in fact (in high school, I would practice up to 3/4 hours a day outside of school hours). I have this fear that I'll lose the skill or something but thankfully, playing only once a year has so far proven that I still have it. LOL.

Speaking of working out, I haven't been able to go since the day before Halloween! I had influenza a bad cold something that had me feeling like crap (fever, chills, body aches; headache) for 3.5 days. I even missed two days of work and that RARELY happens. I've been there 8 years and can count the days I've been gone. It's not allowed to work with a fever because of the clientele (elderly) we work with, but as it was, the day after Halloween I got up and took my shower and I was unable to stay standing as my whole body was numb. I took my temp and had a fever, so I spent the next few days trying to get some rest while three children literally climbed all over me. LOL. Fun times.

Not much else new! I'm so boring . . .

Oh, one thing to add. Andrew's school picture. Pre-k year 2, age 5. Isn't he adorbs?

Andrew's diagnosis

Well, long time no blog. It's because I've been busy, both with photo shoots and with appointments for my children. Anyway, the biggest news right now is that after our 2 day assessment at the clinic last week, it has been determined that Andrew has motor dyspraxia. Motor dyspraxia affects particularly the fine motor skills, and Andrew, while testing high on all other IQ assessments, tested in the first percentile for writing. He is at the level of a 15-30 month old for fine motor skills. Andrew turned five on August 25th. So what the plan of action is is to move forward with weekly Occupational Therapy appointments. They will work on things that Andrew has trouble with (writing in particular, but also buttons, zippers; cutting with scissors).

Dyspraxia affects boys more than girls. Four out of five diagnoses are boys.

They also stated that he has SID (Sensory Integration Disorder) and that there are some issues there, but nothing too serious (we notice that he loves long sleeves and that may just be an "Andrew" thing and certainly nothing that will negatively impact his day-to-day functioning). He fights us when he gets his hair washed, nails clipped, or teeth brush -- so that could be a sensory thing. He has issues with noise -- I.E., when I went to his classroom last year on Dr. Seuss' birthday and we all read books out in the halls of the school -- Andrew covered his ears and said, "it's too noisy, Mom" even though it was really just the noise of a lot of people reading at once. He could not focus.

He is being monitored for ADHD -- but not diagnosed with it at the time. He is also being monitored for dysgraphia, which is the inability to write or the inability to write clearly. OT and time will tell how well he does there. As of right now, he can trace letters, but cannot replicate or write out any letters.

The staff were so helpful and great and I'm very hopeful that Andrew will "fit in" just fine. He already is having a better school year this year than last (I am hereby recommending ANYONE with doubts on whether to send their young child to kindergarten early -- please hold back your summer birthday boys for a year because it will help them so much in the long run) and has many friends he plays age appropriately with. Last year, for comparison, he would only play at the sand/corn table (sensory) and didn't want to do anything else. He also had more outbursts/tantrums last year and this year he's holding it together.

So there you have it. Andrew will not be treated any differently by us as his parents and we hope that he succeeds and finds that one thing that interests him and goes for it. He may not be in sports, but maybe he will be a good writer someday. He's very social and makes everyone around him smile with his charming personality and questions he asks.

Business & busy-ness!

Yep, business and busy-ness. :)  I've been busy with photoshoots lately. I just finished up another great one yesterday with a fun family and three older kids (not older older, but not toddlers either).

This weekend was a lot of fun. We went to the parade on Saturday, or I should say, I gave my hubby a nice break from the kids from 10:30 am - 3:00 pm (big parade) and the kids had a lot of fun. Elise was a little scared of the noise at first and I don't think she remembered the parade from last year because the first thing she said when we got to our spot (by my mom; family) was, "Mom, time to go home." The two minutes later it was, "I want to take a nap" so I put her in the back of the double stroller and reclined it and she looked like she was going to fall asleep but kept peeking through sleepy eyes with an unsure look on her face. A little bit later, I looked over and she had peed her pants, and she always tells me when she has to go so I think the noise was scaring her. Good thing I brought extra clothes, but of course, then the stroller was all wet back there. It was hot!! For the end of September, this is what us Northerners would call "an Indian summer". We all had jeans on and had them rolled up to our knees because the sun was beating directly on us. Jameson seemed to fare well at the parade and didn't mind the noise. Andrew very much enjoyed dancing in the street and running to get candy. He had several meltdowns when he either didn't get any and other kids did, or if they handed candy out to his cousin and not him. I tried to re-direct him and tell him the parade wasn't over yet and that seemed to do the trick.

We went down to the fest Saturday night after settling the kids for bed at my mom's. So we were only out about 2.5 hours. I had 3 Mike's Hard Lemonades within a half hour so I was feeling good and dancing (I don't like to dance unless I'm buzzed because I'm a dork). I then cut myself off (3 is and has always been my limit). DH had fun as well and we partied with my aunts and uncles. There was a good band playing: all 80s and 90s hits.

Yesterday was nice. We went to the grandparents' house and Grandpa made brats and hamburgers -- very good. I like a good juicy brat with kraut.Yum! Then I had that photoshoot at 4:15 and it went swimmingly well. I stopped on the way home to take some pictures of the area bluffs because the fall colors are at their peak. We went with the kids to Subway because we didn't feel like making anything and that outing went relatively well. LOL, I always feel like my kids are so NOISY compared to other kids but I think I just don't like drawing attention to ourselves, nor does DH. They do say some funny things that sometimes turn heads for a chuckle.

Last night I was so pooped after a long weekend! I edited some photos and went to bed early for me (11:30).

And now here we are on another Monday morning, the first day of October. It's so hard to believe!