Thursday, August 27, 2009

Stupid hubby.

He can go suck a fuck.

Bonus points if you know what movie that is from.

I am having problems weaning Andrew. He only nurses when I get home from work, before bed, and usually just once at night. Last night he slept all the way until 5:20 a.m. and then woke up, so I gave him a little milk thinking he'd fall back asleep. But, he kept sucking and sucking until finally at 6:10 I was like, okay, that's enough now! So I take him off and he whines, so I go put him back in his crib. I let him cry, but you know what he does then? He starts banging his head on the crib rails, hard enough to leave goose eggs on his head. He has all these big bumps now. I feel horrible. This is his way of dealing with things...he doesn't just have a tantrum, he hurts himself. What do I do? Do they sell padding for walls so I can just let him rock and roll in there? Do I get him a helmet?

It is so much harder to wean him than I ever thought it would be. My husband says I don't know how to raise a child and Andrew is good for him, so it must be me that's the problem. He doesn't understand that Andrew is just more attached to me, and it can be normal for toddlers to throw more tantrums for Mom than Dad (right?).

I am just so sad right now. I want Andrew to be done nursing--two was really my outer limit (I knew we'd make it to one, but I never, ever in a million years imagined two). I don't want him to hurt himself. I need him to be weaned before February (there is no way in hell I want to tandem nurse). The average natural age of weaning (in the world, not the U.S.) is 2 - 2 1/2, so I would think he would wean on his own? My husband thinks I'm just doing a horrible job and there must be something wrong with him if he's hurting himself, and that he thinks the doctor will eventually want to put him on medication. MY HUSBAND DOESN'T UNDERSTAND TERRIBLE TWOS AND THAT THIS IS PROBABLY JUST PART OF THAT.

I'm going to stop now because I can't be crying at work. I feel so helpless because I am just trying to keep everyone happy and apparently it's impossible.

Next Tuesday Andrew has his 2-year check-up and I will see if the doctor has any advice.

12 comments:

Laura said...

I don't have any advice on the nursing because I have only made it 7 months with my daughter and will let her wean herself when she is ready.I think you a fantastic mommy for nursing until 2! That is alot of work! I sometimes think I won't be able to make it until 1.

Your DH sounds like mine he don't understand that all 2 year olds throw tantrums. He always tells me that I let him act that way like I told Dalton to lie on the floor and scream and kick.

You sound like a fabolous mommy so don't listen to your DH!

MommyP said...

No advice on nursing, but yes, it is TOTALLY normal for kids to behave differently for different parents. For example, Stephen SCREAMS at me, and doesn't for his dad, and throws food with his dad, and not with me. It's just different dynamics with the two parents. Hopefully your pedi will have some advice about the weaning and head-banging, and good luck!

rocket.queen. said...

Bleck. Want Donnie to come smack some pro-breastfeeding-daddy-sense into him? It is totally natural for a kid to play on the emotions of one parent over the other.

So yes, DH can go suck a fuck... how exactly does one suck a fuck? (Donnie Darko for the win).

Sarah R said...

Thank you, everyone!

And Jessi, I wish my hubby was more like Donnie (your hubby, not Darko--good job on that, by the way)! He was pro-breastfeeding but is now saying things like, "he's going to be on there until he's five" and stupid shit like that. He doesn't understand it because he's not the one nursing. URGH. He doesn't listen to me when I tell him that in the natural world kids wean at 2 to 2 1/2. I'm going to print some shit up for him to read!!!

Sarah R said...

Oh yeah, and thanks for the reassurance that it's normal for kids to play one parent against the other. I am going to find some stuff online about that and print it out! Obviously he is very strongly bonded to me in a different way that he is bonded to him. He will act up more for me because I have the goods!

the mol said...

One of the LLLI leaders mentioned that you can "wean on your feet" meaning that if you don't sit down and don't get into any of the normal places that you do when you nurse, he might "forget" about it for awhile.

Also, being pregnant, the milk may change or even disappear for awhile.

He needs to chill out and understand that 2-year-olds throw fits and that's how they roll.

I'd recommend in your situation, however, that you get Andrew out of the crib and into a bed (either a toddler bed or a twin mattress on the floor) because it sounds pretty darned dangerous for him to keep banging his head like that. Once he is settled in the new bed, restart the weaning process.

Sarah R said...

Thanks, Mol. I might try the standing thing.

This was the first time I let him cry; normally I go and get him before he starts banging his head.

The reason why he still needs a crib is because we tried the bed, and he ran for the door EVERY NIGHT and banged his head. This was why we had the three hour bedtime routine where I continually nursed him until he fell asleep, usually around 11:00 p.m. What we have now is much better because he's asleep within 5 minutes and he doesn't fight going to sleep in his crib, for whatever reason.

Rachel said...

That's it, I am coming over to kick R in the nuts. Of course Andrew acts differently for you than he does for dad. YOU are the one that nurses him, why on earth would he throw a tantrum for boob, for Rob?!

He'll find something to bang his head on if he's out of the crib, walls, floor, etc. Hailey went through a head-banging stage but it was brief. I guess it's just a way to get their frustration out since they don't have the vocab to let you know how they feel. He'll probably realize that it hurts after a bit and stop.

I'm no help on the weaning front, I'm sorry. :( I hope it's soon for you though! (And two years, congrats! That's a huge accomplishment!)

Kaci said...

What will Andrew do if hubby goes to him in the middle of the night (or 5:20) instead of you? At this age he doesn't need to nurse during the night, so try sending your hubby in to resettle him. If he's really good for DH. ;)

As for weaning, I stopped offering & distracted them when they asked for it. It seemed to work but I know with some kiddos it's harder. Good luck.

Sarah said...

I've got a little boy that likes to hurt himself when he works up into a good tantrum. It sucks! and the worst thing is when DH is a dumbass! We are a team! Lets do this together! DH and argue big time about what to do with B's tantrums, I walk away and let him continue it alone, and DH's solution is to call him a little brat and tell him to knock it off. brilliant, isnt it? Yet, DH chews my butt for not responding.

Back to him hurting self... if he is like B, even moving him out of the crib may not curb him from hurting himself. B will just bang his head on the wall or the floor, whichever is harder.

sorry, I have no good advice. just a hug!

Sarah R said...

Thanks...

Kaci: DH has never once gotten up with Andrew, but I know A would scream harder, especially since he knows I'm always here at night.

Sarah: Yes, we can do this together! I'm glad (or maybe not?) you can relate! Hugs to you as well. DH also does the, "he needs to quit being such a baby" when Andrew has a temper tantrum.

Simple Complexity said...

I know I'm late to this, haven't been checking blogs lately.

Anyways CONGRATS on the 2 year mark and yes most start self weaning about 2.5. Loralei kind of did. What did before that was just start giving her more milk instead of boob, I went to finally only nursing her at night and once in the morning for a week and then at night only. During the day she had a sippy cup of milk and water and juice. It took about 2 weeks, probably could have been less but I was still not totally ready to finish lol

As far as the tantrum thing. Can i suggest one other way of dealing with his tantrums? Have you ever tried holding him? Like bear hug wise? With Loralei I have to do that or she will run off and hurt herself. She has issues but I have found that that works. It calms her down, and at the same time I'm talking to her. Sometimes you have to do something that isn't the norm to others and what you think might be rewarding them. Some kids need the pressure, some kids need to feel that to feel in control of themselves. Sometimes they throw fits like that b/c they don't feel like that are in control of themselves or their emotions. I don't always grab her and hold her but I can tell what times I need to, like when she goes into a rage. And a child that likes to hurt himself, if not taken care of now can lead to other things more serious. Loralei use to hit herself in the head and bite herself, then she got careless and didn't care what she did. Now (of course with help from meds for what's wrong with her) she doesn't do it as much. I know when we are about to have some bad days b/c she gets clingy to me, she wants me to hug her more often and tells me mommy I need a bunch of hugs and doesn't want me to let go of her. Anyways that's just what poppped into my mind when I read your post. Hope he gets better and that you can wean him when you're ready.