Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Waiting . . .

I'm at work but I leave in a half hour (I know, already? But, pshhh, gotta keep my routine at home and I can get a few things done at work before I go) for my counseling appointment. This is my 7th? or 8th visit. I never went after my turmultuous childhood (remember, I've mentioned, abusive [verbally and physically only], insane father who has been out of the picture 10 years now since my mom filed for divorce/restraining order; I was 21 at the time). Anyhoo, in the earlier part of this year I started just feeling down about myself, "worthless", etc. Not even depressed but just like I was so stressed I couldn't focus and I just was kind-of fake, forced happy. Not ever around my children because they truly give me all I need and make my heart swell and overflow with happiness, but just in general. I felt like nobody liked me, people were annoyed by me, etc. I don't want to air my laundry out on here, but ... ugh, I'll just leave it at that. There was one contributing person in my life now and I figured if I started counseling, I could at least make heads/tails of my feelings because I can only control that part of it all.

Anyway, it's going well, the counseling. The guy insists I'm not crazy and he also tells me I'm "going places" and that I'm very motivated, and that I can really do anything I set my mind to. That was kind-of surprising to hear because I really don't possess that kind-of confidence.

I am waiting for the "all right, we're done with counseling; you're good to go" but so far have not gotten that green light ("We go green light, Go Weezy go" -- lol, sorry, rap reference for those who understand).

It feels good to open up about everything and not feel judged and have an unbiased perspective from a professional. I am a 100% honest kind-of girl, so I tend to just keep talking . . . as some of you may know.

Anyway, wish me luck. :)

3 comments:

Musical Daddy said...

Good luck!

Sara said...

I am a firm believer that everyone would benefit from some counseling. Good stuff.

Good luck!

April said...

When I was going to counseling I think it ended up being about a year before she gave me "Ok, I think you are good to go" speech. I appreciated ech and every session I had with her becuz I learned SO MUCH about myself! Good luck with yours!