I feel so blessed. If I would have imagined 15 years ago that this would be the life I would have today, I would worry about nothing, live for the moment, and be more carefree.
My philosophy is just to get through the day, because I have struggled as a full-time working mother. Having to leave the house with my beautiful children in it to go to work 37.5 hours a week leaves me with a feeling of guilt. How important is this -- this what I'm doing at work? Does it really make a difference or an impact in anyone's life? Yet, I am thankful that my kids are home with my husband, whom the kids adore -- as he adores them. My days start very early and they don't stop until I go to bed, generally around 11:30. I long for my bed, where I can snuggle up with my sweet Elise and smell her sweet head. As she wakes, she moves her head, asking for milk without making a peep, and I latch her on and hold her close, so incredibly grateful for this healthy, beautiful daughter -- so similar yet different than her older brother -- yet our moments we share while I nourish her are almost exactly like the moments I shared with Andrew when he was a baby.
Sometimes I do look at my kids with amazement -- I will glance back at Andrew in his carseat and see his beautiful blonde hair, and his eyes lighting up with joy as he dances to the music -- always smiling, always making everyone around him smile -- and I think, how can he be mine? Wow, I am so lucky and so incredibly blessed.
When I'm holding Elise, I look into her beautiful, blue eyes and she is so quick to smile and coo -- I can't believe this sweet, little angel is mine. She is forever and always mine.
The thing that makes me sad -- the thing I don't talk about -- is the fact that someday I will have to leave this earth and leave my beautiful children in it. There is no greater fear and that is why I do not think about it. I can only pray that they are lucky enough to enjoy it and live life to the fullest, with as much innocence as they possess now as carefree children.
My life really is beautiful. I live for the evenings and weekends and although my work weeks can drag on and although every day sometimes feels like a repeat of the previous day, my life -- stable and continuous, is something to feel rich about. My heart swells with joy. I know that my world as I know it is unique and nobody else gets to experience it exactly as I do and that is definitely something to marvel at.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
Update from the appointment
So, it went pretty well. Dr. H agreed that Andrew is still in need of a nap, but we need to:
-wake him up earlier in the morning, by 6:30 a.m. (he had been sleeping in until 7:45/8:00)
-no naps after 2:00 p.m. (keep them between noon - 2:00 p.m.), and wake him up after an hour/hour-and-a-half
-keep putting him back in his bedroom at night if he gets out, telling him, "it's time to go to bed, Andrew" -- being very persistent and not letting him out (HUSBAND was guilty of this). If he asks for water (as he generally does, just to get my attention), we need to tell him he can have water in the morning, or we already had water/hugs/kisses/books.
-if he does wake during the night and come into my bedroom (as he has been doing lately), I need to tell him that he can either go back to his bed, or lie down in "Andrew's spot" -- put a comfortable sleeping bag and pillow on the floor -- a spot that is all his own, but this way he won't be fidgeting in bed next to me.
-our goal bedtime will be 8:00 - 9:00
-if he does not nap during the day, we will do our best to deal with the behavioral issues so that he exhausts himself by about 8:00
I was embarrassed because he was throwing toys all over the exam room and eventually started pitching them all into the garbage. :( He doesn't normally throw toys but does act up in new scenarios.
She did suggest we consider some part-time daycare so he can have some structure and learn how to behave around other kids, but we really can't afford it. I mean, our whole point of having one of us stay home is so that it's one of us with the kids during the day (that would be DH, since I work 37.5 hours per week out of the home), plus it saves us money. We will wait it out a year and hopefully get him into 4 year old kindergarten next year -- he will turn 4 on August 25, 2011. And yes, this means in 9 days, my little guy is turning 3! It's very hard for me to believe.
I have so many hopes and dreams for my young man. I love who he is: he's silly, he's smart, he loves to dance, and he loves to laugh. There's nothing "wrong" with him; we just need to work together as parents -- and work hard at it -- so that we can curb some of these behaviors. Oh, and sleep for all of us would be nice, too.
-wake him up earlier in the morning, by 6:30 a.m. (he had been sleeping in until 7:45/8:00)
-no naps after 2:00 p.m. (keep them between noon - 2:00 p.m.), and wake him up after an hour/hour-and-a-half
-keep putting him back in his bedroom at night if he gets out, telling him, "it's time to go to bed, Andrew" -- being very persistent and not letting him out (HUSBAND was guilty of this). If he asks for water (as he generally does, just to get my attention), we need to tell him he can have water in the morning, or we already had water/hugs/kisses/books.
-if he does wake during the night and come into my bedroom (as he has been doing lately), I need to tell him that he can either go back to his bed, or lie down in "Andrew's spot" -- put a comfortable sleeping bag and pillow on the floor -- a spot that is all his own, but this way he won't be fidgeting in bed next to me.
-our goal bedtime will be 8:00 - 9:00
-if he does not nap during the day, we will do our best to deal with the behavioral issues so that he exhausts himself by about 8:00
I was embarrassed because he was throwing toys all over the exam room and eventually started pitching them all into the garbage. :( He doesn't normally throw toys but does act up in new scenarios.
She did suggest we consider some part-time daycare so he can have some structure and learn how to behave around other kids, but we really can't afford it. I mean, our whole point of having one of us stay home is so that it's one of us with the kids during the day (that would be DH, since I work 37.5 hours per week out of the home), plus it saves us money. We will wait it out a year and hopefully get him into 4 year old kindergarten next year -- he will turn 4 on August 25, 2011. And yes, this means in 9 days, my little guy is turning 3! It's very hard for me to believe.
I have so many hopes and dreams for my young man. I love who he is: he's silly, he's smart, he loves to dance, and he loves to laugh. There's nothing "wrong" with him; we just need to work together as parents -- and work hard at it -- so that we can curb some of these behaviors. Oh, and sleep for all of us would be nice, too.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Andrew and his bedtime issues
Well, I do have an update on how bedtime has been going and it's not a good one. If you remember, back in January I posted with enthusiasm on Andrew's success. Well, when I was on maternity leave, things got all messed up again because he refuses to nap when I am around (always has, really) so he would be overtired and then would be cranky. I think it was sometime in May or June where he started protesting bedtime again, screaming in his room, and I just let him be. Well, my lovely husband said, "just let him out" and he told Andrew he could come watch t.v. or whatever.
In the past 3 weeks, it has come to a head and one night, Andrew fell asleep at 7:00 p.m. (which, really, I consider to be a normal bedtime for someone his age who hasn't napped during the day), and woke up four hours later at 11:00 p.m., full of energy. He was up until 5:00 a.m. -- yes, you read that right. I even spent 1/2 hour driving him around from 4:00 - 4:30 a.m. and I kept looking back and his little head was wide awake. Most nights, he's been going to bed at 1:00 a.m., and I get up for work at 6:30 -- not to mention the 2-3 times I am somewhat awake while my infant is night grazing (that I do love and am not complaining about -- I am in no hurry for her to sleep through the night if she isn't ready to do so). If I let him lie in bed with me, he will fidget for hours and it about drives me nuts (I let him fidget next to me for 3 hours the night he was up until 5:00 a.m., and he still didn't go to sleep.
Needless to say, this cannot go on. This is not normal behavior for an almost-three-year-old, so Monday he goes back in to the Pediatric Specialist to see what we can do for his bedtime woes. I won't say I am against medication, but I really am -- it would be a very last step for us after all other avenues have been exhausted. My nephew, who is now 10, has ADHD and had to go on medication in kindergarten. He exhibited some very similar behaviors as Andrew and I kind-of hope that isn't the case here. I would hate to suppress what I consider to be his personality if it's really just an issue that needs to be taken care of separately.
I will keep you posted!
In the past 3 weeks, it has come to a head and one night, Andrew fell asleep at 7:00 p.m. (which, really, I consider to be a normal bedtime for someone his age who hasn't napped during the day), and woke up four hours later at 11:00 p.m., full of energy. He was up until 5:00 a.m. -- yes, you read that right. I even spent 1/2 hour driving him around from 4:00 - 4:30 a.m. and I kept looking back and his little head was wide awake. Most nights, he's been going to bed at 1:00 a.m., and I get up for work at 6:30 -- not to mention the 2-3 times I am somewhat awake while my infant is night grazing (that I do love and am not complaining about -- I am in no hurry for her to sleep through the night if she isn't ready to do so). If I let him lie in bed with me, he will fidget for hours and it about drives me nuts (I let him fidget next to me for 3 hours the night he was up until 5:00 a.m., and he still didn't go to sleep.
Needless to say, this cannot go on. This is not normal behavior for an almost-three-year-old, so Monday he goes back in to the Pediatric Specialist to see what we can do for his bedtime woes. I won't say I am against medication, but I really am -- it would be a very last step for us after all other avenues have been exhausted. My nephew, who is now 10, has ADHD and had to go on medication in kindergarten. He exhibited some very similar behaviors as Andrew and I kind-of hope that isn't the case here. I would hate to suppress what I consider to be his personality if it's really just an issue that needs to be taken care of separately.
I will keep you posted!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
The weekend is coming to a close . . .
I'm sharing a few pics today! It's been really hot here -- REALLY hot, so I haven't been babywearing too much because I'm a sweaty beast as it is. However, this morning I did put Elise in the kangaroo carry and she really liked it! See? She looks quite proud of herself! Oh, don't mind me -- I look like crap -- those are my jammies and this is pre-shower on a Sunday morning!
Oh yeah, and I am now 8 lbs. below my pre-pregnancy weight! Go breastfeeding (because I really haven't exercised in this horrible heat we've been having all summer)! Here is Elise enjoying some yummies.
In other awesome news, I have finally gotten in touch with my wonderful midwife! I didn't know her last name because she was the student midwife but if you remember my birth story, you will see that she's the one who helped me through my waterbirth the most. I sent her a letter (to the OB/GYN department) a few weeks back with a copy of the birth story and a few pics that she was in and I got a letter back from her Friday so now we've been talking! She rocks. I just had to thank her for making the experience so wonderful -- for my whole life I will be ever grateful. ♥
Oh yeah, and I am now 8 lbs. below my pre-pregnancy weight! Go breastfeeding (because I really haven't exercised in this horrible heat we've been having all summer)! Here is Elise enjoying some yummies.
In other awesome news, I have finally gotten in touch with my wonderful midwife! I didn't know her last name because she was the student midwife but if you remember my birth story, you will see that she's the one who helped me through my waterbirth the most. I sent her a letter (to the OB/GYN department) a few weeks back with a copy of the birth story and a few pics that she was in and I got a letter back from her Friday so now we've been talking! She rocks. I just had to thank her for making the experience so wonderful -- for my whole life I will be ever grateful. ♥
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Wow, she's going to be crawling soon!
She gets up on her hands and knees and kind-of boosts herself forward. She's so strong! I wonder if it's because she's so porky. ::giggle:: It's so cute to see her getting around; it really won't be long before she's actually crawling! Andrew was 9 months, I believe, so she's definitely ahead of him. It just goes to show that all kids are different!
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Oh Mr. Andrew...
Right now I have the Chipmunks DVD in (the first one) on the main menu. Andrew started crying when the movie stopped (dramatic and sad cry) so I am letting him watch the menu because it plays music and he loves to dance to it. Talk about annoying! But cute.
The things we do to keep our kids happy...
The things we do to keep our kids happy...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)