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Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Confession: I have a major fear.

I always think I'm going to die in a horrible car crash. I actually am driving sometimes and think I feel like I'm going to lose control, even when conditions are just fine. I HATE driving when it's windy and it blows my car around on the Interstate. I am actually pretty good in the snow, having lived in Wisconsin (or Minnesota when I was younger) my whole life. Sometimes I am driving from work and I have thoughts of leaving my children without a mother and how horrible that would be. It's a whole 6 minute commute. I shouldn't be thinking so irrationally. I think it's just because you can go from happy, listening to music, smiling on a beautiful day to... dead ... in mere seconds. It's really insane if you think about it.

I think this may have gotten worse because last week I was coming home from work and it was raining lightly. I got off on my exit and I was still going 60 MPH (the speed limit is 25) and I went around the curve as I always do, and have done a little faster than I should, but have never had a problem, but for some reason this time I went into a slide. I didn't brake and then I did my best to straighten, but because it was a curve and I was going so fast, I spun all the way around and did a 180 (yep, I was now facing the opposite direction!). Scared the SHIT out of me -- my heart was racing. Somehow I managed to avoid hitting both side curbs. The guy behind me was far enough back that he was able to come to a stop while I reversed and got turned around as fast as I could. I got home and told the husband and he said I was just going too fast, but honestly, I've driven that so many times, several times a day (since I go home for feedings) over the past several years. I had him check my tires because my car felt "floaty" and the tires didn't seem to grip as well. The good news is the tread is fine on them, but the bad news is that one of the tires was almost flat. He said, "oh, that's the one with the slow leak; I'll add some air". The other three were overinflated because he does that when the weather is nice to get better gas mileage. The tires also need to be rotated, which the hubby can do, and is going to do in the next couple days.

Long story short: I don't want to die in my car but I can't get rid of the fear. I am now taking my corners super slow. I don't care if the person behind me curses me out. I would rather not take chances, especially as we enter the winter season! I have no idea if I'm being paranoid or what. Maybe I need counseling.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Oh my hell! (yes I'm stalking your blog today) but I need counseling with you. I have the most horrific fear of dying in a car accident and the car catching fire and I cant get out. I have done counseling actually because of it. And other forms of therapy. It can be a debilitating fear. I was driving on a highway this weekend coming home from camping and I just kept having horrible thoughts and sometimes was about to cry, then told myself over and over that I was someone else driving and everything was going to be okay. Sooo... now I'm going to post this anonymously - but you know who I am. I emailed you on FB today about diapers ;)