Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Friday, August 10, 2012
Affirmations.
I am not perfect, and I won't strive to be either.
But what I am is . . .
I am a hard worker.
I am a good mother.
I am a good wife.
I am a good friend.
I am a good listener.
I have a beautiful soul.
I have good morals.
I am worthy of others' respect and friendship.
I am proud of my struggles I have overcome.
I am strong, and strong-willed.
I will try harder to be myself, always, and be happy with myself.
But what I am is . . .
I am a hard worker.
I am a good mother.
I am a good wife.
I am a good friend.
I am a good listener.
I have a beautiful soul.
I have good morals.
I am worthy of others' respect and friendship.
I am proud of my struggles I have overcome.
I am strong, and strong-willed.
I will try harder to be myself, always, and be happy with myself.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Little Lady... a post about Elise
Elise is growing up so much! She's been speaking in full sentences for quite some time now and her speech is pretty clear. Last night I had the opportunity to go shopping with her, just the two of us (Andrew had a sleepover at Grandma's house, my mom's that is). We first went to Target to return something (a dress I bought which I liked in the dressing room but got home and tried on and it wasn't form fitting enough in the top part so it almost looked like I was wearing a sports bra or had no boobs -- and I just didn't like it). Elise got complimented when she was in the shopping cart: "She's so beautiful!" the cashier said. "Why thank you!", I replied. Of course, I know she's beautiful but I am a little biased as her mama.
Then we went to the car and I asked if she wanted to go to TJ (Maxx) and she said, "yeah!" so off we went. Elise talks in a VERY LOUD VOICE and as I was looking at the clothing on the racks, she declared, "I want boobie!" I was able to distract her enough but it was cute because she was just saying random silly stuff and laughing. I love that I can joke with her and be silly and she's almost 2.5 now so she knows "oh, Mom's being silly" or "oh, it's serious time", etc. I ended up finding a basic black knee-length skirt (I've been looking forever but couldn't find the right style for what I wanted -- either they were too short and not work approps or they came up too high and were just old lady ugly). $16.99 and it fit like a dream (I danced in the dressing room because it was as HUGE one that I could fit the shopping cart in. I had to make sure the skirt would be able to handle me and my wild moves, after all.) We laughed and then checked out.
Finally we went grocery shopping and just grabbed a few items and made our way home.
She went to bed REALLY good last night and only gave out one little cry before deciding it was in her best interest to go to sleep. She slept all night again, as she has the past several nights. I am happy that she is continuing to nurse and that I met her night needs for as long as she wanted. I could not deny her when I knew that it was a comfort for her; I also knew eventually she wouldn't feel the need to nurse at night anymore. There always comes a time when a child discovers that sleep feels good and maybe she wakes up and thinks about boobie and falls back asleep; maybe she sleeps all night long. But I am only a door away in case she should need me, if she would ever be sick.
I love my little doll!
Then we went to the car and I asked if she wanted to go to TJ (Maxx) and she said, "yeah!" so off we went. Elise talks in a VERY LOUD VOICE and as I was looking at the clothing on the racks, she declared, "I want boobie!" I was able to distract her enough but it was cute because she was just saying random silly stuff and laughing. I love that I can joke with her and be silly and she's almost 2.5 now so she knows "oh, Mom's being silly" or "oh, it's serious time", etc. I ended up finding a basic black knee-length skirt (I've been looking forever but couldn't find the right style for what I wanted -- either they were too short and not work approps or they came up too high and were just old lady ugly). $16.99 and it fit like a dream (I danced in the dressing room because it was as HUGE one that I could fit the shopping cart in. I had to make sure the skirt would be able to handle me and my wild moves, after all.) We laughed and then checked out.
Finally we went grocery shopping and just grabbed a few items and made our way home.
She went to bed REALLY good last night and only gave out one little cry before deciding it was in her best interest to go to sleep. She slept all night again, as she has the past several nights. I am happy that she is continuing to nurse and that I met her night needs for as long as she wanted. I could not deny her when I knew that it was a comfort for her; I also knew eventually she wouldn't feel the need to nurse at night anymore. There always comes a time when a child discovers that sleep feels good and maybe she wakes up and thinks about boobie and falls back asleep; maybe she sleeps all night long. But I am only a door away in case she should need me, if she would ever be sick.
I love my little doll!
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| My beautiful girl in the park Saturday night |
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| Elise is a Daddy's girl too © 2012 All images are property of the author and may NOT be used, copied, or edited under any circumstances. |
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Sensory Evaluation.
Andrew had his appointment on Tuesday with the Pediatric Behavioral Specialist he has seen in the past. She sees enough behaviors that would fall into either ADHD (most likely) and something on the spectrum (probably mild Asperger's). She stated that he does a lot of movement that is without purpose (I believe this is fidgeting she is referring to). His need for his cars to always be in his hand -- always lining them up and not really driving them around. You all remember his intricate patterns he used to make with them (I had posted pics on Facebook in the past). Everything revolves around his cars and he will cry if we take them away (for instance, if he pushes his sister or brother away from him). He has frequent angry outburts he is unable to control and a lack of impulse control (his teacher noted this as well). For instance, we have told him not to do certain things (like turning over all the pavers in the yard looking for bugs/grubs) and it doesn't seem to get through at all -- he only has one goal in mind and that is to get the bugs. He brings bugs in all the time and has an obsession with them (some of this is normal little boy stuff; some of it could be sensory).
She said one thing she noticed that would maybe rule out a spectrum disorder would be that he is social, but she noticed that there seemed to be a routine to the questions. Andrew goes up to nearly everyone in public and will say, "what's your name? Where does your work live? What kind of car do you have? What color is it? What time do you get home from work" or if they mention a spouse, he will say, "what color hair does he have?" These are odd questions for someone his age (I think) and very typical of Aspies.
His tantrums are uncontrollable and definitely not very normal for his age.
He was late to walk and has trouble with fine motor skills (writing with a pencil -- he can trace some letters now but not write words like some of his classmates could -- his teacher didn't think this was a concern just yet), freaks out when a shirt is inside out and cannot figure out how to fix it. I remember when he was 16 months old, he seemed to have a hard time getting up if he was on his back -- like getting to a sitting position.
He's very intelligent, very expansive vocabulary, but is definitely socially awkward. This may be endearing at the age he is now, but I would imagine in a few years, it wouldn't be so endearing.
When we go to a store, any store, he immediately bolts and goes full speed ahead, ignores me when I tell him to stop, and doesn't care if he about knocks people over. His only goal is to get to the cars and line them up.
I asked him if there is a reason he runs at the grocery store. I ask him if there is something that bothers him when we walk in. I asked him what he hears. He said, "I hear people talking." It seems to be a strange response because I really don't notice that when I go in. Maybe he hears all the conversations and it drives him nuts.
He will ramble on and on to people about stuff and isn't aware of the awkwardness or if they are bored, etc. He feels compelled to tell strangers that he went to a birthday party back in June. I am not sure if he is imitating adult conversation or if this is normal.
He prefers adults to kids. He sneaks to the neighbors to talk to them whenever they are outside. One day he went over there probably 10 times.
He seems to have a poor understanding of safety (looking for cars, etc.) and biked straight across the road the other day without looking for cars.
He enjoys wearing long sleeves and sobs sometimes like at the change of season, in spring, when I make him wear short sleeves. He sees no issue with wearing his red train sweater outside when it's 95 degrees.
When I went to his classroom, it happened to be Dr. Seuss' birthday so all the kids went in the hall and simultaneously read books. Andrew could not focus and held his hands over his ears and said, "Mom, it's TOO LOUD!" [it was more like a dull roar] He will turn off fans if they are going because he doesn't like the noise and today when I was blow drying my hair, he covered his ears and told me it was too loud.
He did not play with toys until age 3.5 when he got his first cars. That is all he will play with. He lines them up on the couch all day long. He brings them to the dinner table and the bathroom and in the car and EVERYWHERE. His first "toy" he took to was at about 20 months and that was my hairdryer. He wanted to carry it everywhere.
All of these things have always stood out to me and now we are finally going to get a sensory assessment done to see if, indeed, he is on the spectrum. If not, he probably does at least have ADHD. I don't want to go straight to meds, but there is some occupational therapy we can try. If he absolutely cannot function in school or his behavior worsens, we have opened up to trying meds.
I just want to get him the help he needs. My other two are developing differently than he did (playing with toys) and I can see now that Andrew has been different from the start. Amazing, beautiful, boy, but definitely marches to the beat of his own drum.
She said one thing she noticed that would maybe rule out a spectrum disorder would be that he is social, but she noticed that there seemed to be a routine to the questions. Andrew goes up to nearly everyone in public and will say, "what's your name? Where does your work live? What kind of car do you have? What color is it? What time do you get home from work" or if they mention a spouse, he will say, "what color hair does he have?" These are odd questions for someone his age (I think) and very typical of Aspies.
His tantrums are uncontrollable and definitely not very normal for his age.
He was late to walk and has trouble with fine motor skills (writing with a pencil -- he can trace some letters now but not write words like some of his classmates could -- his teacher didn't think this was a concern just yet), freaks out when a shirt is inside out and cannot figure out how to fix it. I remember when he was 16 months old, he seemed to have a hard time getting up if he was on his back -- like getting to a sitting position.
He's very intelligent, very expansive vocabulary, but is definitely socially awkward. This may be endearing at the age he is now, but I would imagine in a few years, it wouldn't be so endearing.
When we go to a store, any store, he immediately bolts and goes full speed ahead, ignores me when I tell him to stop, and doesn't care if he about knocks people over. His only goal is to get to the cars and line them up.
I asked him if there is a reason he runs at the grocery store. I ask him if there is something that bothers him when we walk in. I asked him what he hears. He said, "I hear people talking." It seems to be a strange response because I really don't notice that when I go in. Maybe he hears all the conversations and it drives him nuts.
He will ramble on and on to people about stuff and isn't aware of the awkwardness or if they are bored, etc. He feels compelled to tell strangers that he went to a birthday party back in June. I am not sure if he is imitating adult conversation or if this is normal.
He prefers adults to kids. He sneaks to the neighbors to talk to them whenever they are outside. One day he went over there probably 10 times.
He seems to have a poor understanding of safety (looking for cars, etc.) and biked straight across the road the other day without looking for cars.
He enjoys wearing long sleeves and sobs sometimes like at the change of season, in spring, when I make him wear short sleeves. He sees no issue with wearing his red train sweater outside when it's 95 degrees.
When I went to his classroom, it happened to be Dr. Seuss' birthday so all the kids went in the hall and simultaneously read books. Andrew could not focus and held his hands over his ears and said, "Mom, it's TOO LOUD!" [it was more like a dull roar] He will turn off fans if they are going because he doesn't like the noise and today when I was blow drying my hair, he covered his ears and told me it was too loud.
He did not play with toys until age 3.5 when he got his first cars. That is all he will play with. He lines them up on the couch all day long. He brings them to the dinner table and the bathroom and in the car and EVERYWHERE. His first "toy" he took to was at about 20 months and that was my hairdryer. He wanted to carry it everywhere.
All of these things have always stood out to me and now we are finally going to get a sensory assessment done to see if, indeed, he is on the spectrum. If not, he probably does at least have ADHD. I don't want to go straight to meds, but there is some occupational therapy we can try. If he absolutely cannot function in school or his behavior worsens, we have opened up to trying meds.
I just want to get him the help he needs. My other two are developing differently than he did (playing with toys) and I can see now that Andrew has been different from the start. Amazing, beautiful, boy, but definitely marches to the beat of his own drum.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Waiting . . .
I'm at work but I leave in a half hour (I know, already? But, pshhh, gotta keep my routine at home and I can get a few things done at work before I go) for my counseling appointment. This is my 7th? or 8th visit. I never went after my turmultuous childhood (remember, I've mentioned, abusive [verbally and physically only], insane father who has been out of the picture 10 years now since my mom filed for divorce/restraining order; I was 21 at the time). Anyhoo, in the earlier part of this year I started just feeling down about myself, "worthless", etc. Not even depressed but just like I was so stressed I couldn't focus and I just was kind-of fake, forced happy. Not ever around my children because they truly give me all I need and make my heart swell and overflow with happiness, but just in general. I felt like nobody liked me, people were annoyed by me, etc. I don't want to air my laundry out on here, but ... ugh, I'll just leave it at that. There was one contributing person in my life now and I figured if I started counseling, I could at least make heads/tails of my feelings because I can only control that part of it all.
Anyway, it's going well, the counseling. The guy insists I'm not crazy and he also tells me I'm "going places" and that I'm very motivated, and that I can really do anything I set my mind to. That was kind-of surprising to hear because I really don't possess that kind-of confidence.
I am waiting for the "all right, we're done with counseling; you're good to go" but so far have not gotten that green light ("We go green light, Go Weezy go" -- lol, sorry, rap reference for those who understand).
It feels good to open up about everything and not feel judged and have an unbiased perspective from a professional. I am a 100% honest kind-of girl, so I tend to just keep talking . . . as some of you may know.
Anyway, wish me luck. :)
Anyway, it's going well, the counseling. The guy insists I'm not crazy and he also tells me I'm "going places" and that I'm very motivated, and that I can really do anything I set my mind to. That was kind-of surprising to hear because I really don't possess that kind-of confidence.
I am waiting for the "all right, we're done with counseling; you're good to go" but so far have not gotten that green light ("We go green light, Go Weezy go" -- lol, sorry, rap reference for those who understand).
It feels good to open up about everything and not feel judged and have an unbiased perspective from a professional. I am a 100% honest kind-of girl, so I tend to just keep talking . . . as some of you may know.
Anyway, wish me luck. :)
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
I'm so addicted.
I am so addicted to sparkling water. It's the best! I had realized recently that I was drinking and relying too much on Dr. Pepper. I was only having one a day but I started to crave it so bad that I was thinking about it as much as the average guy thinks about sex. So... a lot.
I traded out my Dr. P for Klarbrunn and it 1) makes me drink lots of water, and 2) gives me that fizz that I crave. I was never addicted to pop for the caffeine; it was always the carbonation.
Is there some kind-of group for carbonation addicts? Because I am sooooo there.
I traded out my Dr. P for Klarbrunn and it 1) makes me drink lots of water, and 2) gives me that fizz that I crave. I was never addicted to pop for the caffeine; it was always the carbonation.
Is there some kind-of group for carbonation addicts? Because I am sooooo there.
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| Sneaky me sneaking a pic for blog while trying not to look like a dumbass to possible passers-by |
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Coming back to Blogland . . .
I was shocked to learn the other day that this past Monday, we lost one of our own in the "Bloggie World", as we call it. Nancy, who will always be remembered for her unique self-proclaimed "shnarkiness", witty sarcasm, adventurous personality (she enjoyed snowboarding, roller derby, and various alternative rock bands) leaves behind a husband and three children. I "met" her in 2006 on the WebMD message boards and while many of us were no longer active on the boards in recent years, I did follow her blogs.
I even got to talk to her on the phone once, to thank her for the socks she sent me (not just socks, these were knee high socks that roller derby girls wore and she sent them out to some of her online friends).
Another thing I will always remember about Nancy were her random lists of things that annoyed her. I always laughed to read these things because I could relate to her disdain for grammatical errors (especially easy ones, like the difference between "your" and "you're"), people on the road who don't know how to drive, and Christmas sweaters. Oh, I laughed so hard when she would talk about those sweaters from time-to-time.
I found her last comment to me and it makes me smile to read it, but I feel this sense of loss: wishing I had talked to her more, emailed her more, etc. It really freaking sucks that she passed away so young (if memory serves me correct, she would have been 40 this coming August, August 15th to be exact). Anyway, this was her last blog comment to me on one of my posts this past fall:
nancy said...
I love these lists of random things.
Funny you should talk about being under the covers. Until about the time I had kids, I could NEVER sleep with my feet uncovered, even if it was 120 degrees. I felt, for some reason, I was safe from the unknown with them covered. Like the chick from the ring would come out of my tv, plod towards me in her attempt to kill me and then have to give up and go back to the tv when she saw my feet were covered.
In the past year or so, Nancy didn't blog as much. So I think, in her honor, I am going to do my best to blog at least once a week. After all, I started my blog because I was inspired by her to do so.
RIP, Nancy! You will forever have touched countless lives, and will be remembered by all as a fun and amazing (kick-ass!) woman and mother.
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