The post office.

I am convinced that waiting in line at the post office is a form of modern torture. It's silent except for maybe the wail of a baby. People are shuffling forward at a snail's pace. The damn phone won't stop ringing (apparently, it's not in their budget to have an answering machine because the phone must have rang 30 times). The walls are gray and the room is small. The tone is somber. The guy behind me belches twice and coughs into my hair. He's standing so close I can smell the smoke off his clothing. Everyone is looking around helplessly while the one employee rings people up. A girl looks through the array of boxes to figure out which one she needs to use to ship her order in. You'd like to make conversation with the person in front of you but it seems she is just as annoyed as you are.

I am only there to buy some stamps for my workplace, but still those 10 minutes felt like a hour of hell, waiting in line to be served prison food.

My three beauties

Every day, at least once a day, I look at my children and think about how incredibly blessed I am. For as long as I can remember, I always wanted something to love. For awhile, pets seemed to fill that craving. But once I became a mother, my life truly changed and it divided into two "chapters": life before kids, which is seemily insignificant besides my wonderful memories with my mother and siblings and other family, and life after kids, which is super awesome, greater than I ever imagined, and my reason for existence. I live for these kids and everything I do is for these kids. If I should ever leave this earth unexpectedly, I would like my children to know that I loved them more than anything on this earth and nothing filled my heart more than them. ♥ ♥ ♥







If I could have somehow taken a peek forward 10 years ago and seen that these beautiful children would be my future, I'd have lived every moment without trepidation or fear, knowing that my future was bright and I need not worry. Now that I'm there, I now know that every step I have taken has led me to here. For that I am grateful: fate certainly was perfect for us.

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It's me, Boring Blogger!

I apologize for my lack of availability in the blog world. I haven't been able to even log in and scroll my feed to see what's been going on with all of you. If you're still there. I have probably lost my readership.

A quick update: I am back to work but very busy. I feel as though sometimes I don't even have time to run to the bathroom (and really, sometimes I don't)! I am running home twice a day to nurse the baby (I'm at work 8 - 4 so I nurse before work, then come home at 10 and 1, and am home for the day at 4, feeding on demand the rest of the time). We tried pumping and feeding bottles around 3-4 weeks and he did really well! I was prematurely hopeful, because around 6-8 weeks, he was less enthusiastic about them. My first day back, he only took half an ounce in the morning (the whole morning) and wouldn't take anything in the afternoon. I decided, screw it. I ran home before and it worked out awesome, so I mentioned it to my boss and he was cool with it. Thank goodness! One of the breaks is my lunch break anyway, so they really can't tell me I can't go home. I punch out for both breaks. Jameson is a happy boy! He's becoming more aware every day and will smile and coo as soon as he sees my face. He has such a cute, gummy smile (please stay that way -- I don't need an early teether like Andrew was)!

Elise is just amazing. She has SO many words now and is starting to put 2-3 word phrases together. I can't even count how many words she has and she will try and say almost anything we teach her. She's spunky and funny and daring (she even climbed to the top rung of a ladder when Daddy had his back turned for less than a minute)! She is also very much addicted to the boobie, but I am really okay with that. The transition to her being "not the baby" anymore has been seamless and she loves her little brother. I like to think that the comfort I provide her has helped. It certainly hasn't hurt, and I love knowing she has gotten all those extra immunities through my milk (immunities not found in cow's milk -- immunities which actually increase in the 2nd year).

Andrew is my little man. He still has challenging behaviors but he is learning to control them better. A big part is just understanding how to react to him so that it may prevent angry outbursts. We praise him when he makes good choices, and he enjoys that praise. At school, he is doing better with not getting so angry and they are telling him to "ask for help" if something is frustrating him. He has made new friends and he likes to talk about them. I have been in touch with his teacher (e-mail, phone, and in person) and we have a great communicative relationship going. We both want what's best for Andrew. The plan now is to do a second year of pre-k next year. He is most likely not going to be ready for kindergarten, not because he lacks academically, but because he needs the emotional growth required for kindergarten (let's face it, he'll be going a full day and they will be asking a lot out of him). He is the very youngest in his class with an 8/25 birthdate (the cutoff is 9/1). I would rather him go to kindergarten ready than struggle and have to start over.

All is well in our house. We are preparing for Christmas, slowly but surely. I am going with my family next week with the kids to the Christmas tree farm. My family goes every year and last year I decided not to go, then changed my mind and wanted to go the following weekend and they were closed for the season because the trees (for that year anyway) were all gone. DH and I would like to go Christmas shopping so I need to get a night where my mom is off and have her watch the kids so we can get as much done in 2 hours as possible. We'd also like to have dinner since it's been, well . . . a LONG FREAKING time! LOL.

I hope things are well with all of you; feel free to update me with anything I missed while I've been away!

Confession: I have a major fear.

I always think I'm going to die in a horrible car crash. I actually am driving sometimes and think I feel like I'm going to lose control, even when conditions are just fine. I HATE driving when it's windy and it blows my car around on the Interstate. I am actually pretty good in the snow, having lived in Wisconsin (or Minnesota when I was younger) my whole life. Sometimes I am driving from work and I have thoughts of leaving my children without a mother and how horrible that would be. It's a whole 6 minute commute. I shouldn't be thinking so irrationally. I think it's just because you can go from happy, listening to music, smiling on a beautiful day to... dead ... in mere seconds. It's really insane if you think about it.

I think this may have gotten worse because last week I was coming home from work and it was raining lightly. I got off on my exit and I was still going 60 MPH (the speed limit is 25) and I went around the curve as I always do, and have done a little faster than I should, but have never had a problem, but for some reason this time I went into a slide. I didn't brake and then I did my best to straighten, but because it was a curve and I was going so fast, I spun all the way around and did a 180 (yep, I was now facing the opposite direction!). Scared the SHIT out of me -- my heart was racing. Somehow I managed to avoid hitting both side curbs. The guy behind me was far enough back that he was able to come to a stop while I reversed and got turned around as fast as I could. I got home and told the husband and he said I was just going too fast, but honestly, I've driven that so many times, several times a day (since I go home for feedings) over the past several years. I had him check my tires because my car felt "floaty" and the tires didn't seem to grip as well. The good news is the tread is fine on them, but the bad news is that one of the tires was almost flat. He said, "oh, that's the one with the slow leak; I'll add some air". The other three were overinflated because he does that when the weather is nice to get better gas mileage. The tires also need to be rotated, which the hubby can do, and is going to do in the next couple days.

Long story short: I don't want to die in my car but I can't get rid of the fear. I am now taking my corners super slow. I don't care if the person behind me curses me out. I would rather not take chances, especially as we enter the winter season! I have no idea if I'm being paranoid or what. Maybe I need counseling.

Some random facts.

I slept under the covers until my mid-2os. Is that even normal? Probably not. I was terrified of the dark, ever since I was a child. To this day, I still cannot look at a mirror in the bathroom for fear of seeing something. What, I don't know, but I don't want to find out. I don't sleep under the covers anymore. Becoming a mom changed that and I just don't fear it anymore.

While I love odd amounts of things (like 5 of something placed on the wall, or 3 -- it is more aesthetically pleasing), I buy even amounts of things (4 bags of chocolate instead of 3 or 5). I have no idea why!

I catch myself clenching my jaw when I drive and there is no reason for it. I'm not tense or stressed or scared, but I think it's just a habit.

I wash my hands an insane amount of times per day. I must do it absent-mindedly. I noticed this the other day because the hubby had to fix a leak in the bathroom sink so we couldn't use it and I probably went to it 3 times within 10 minutes before remembering I couldn't use it (I did acutally turn it on once, causing a minor flood under the sink. Oops.

I am a great speller and have excellent grammar but sometimes when I am typing online and not thinking, I accidently type "ov" for "of". How stupid! At least I catch myself before I post it.

Facebook is kind-of like crack. I don't think I could go a day without logging in. I don't want to miss anyone's update. What if something really important is happening and I don't find out about it?! I love logging in and seeing little red boxes that means I have either a message or a comment or even a friend request. What the hell did we do before Facebook?! Maybe I'm just too reliant on being social.

I love the feeling of getting in a hot car when it's winter. Winter is damn cold here. There's nothing better than having the heater blast that heat right in your face, even if it makes your eyes and face feel super dry. When I was a kid, my sister and I used to get up early in the morning and sit on the registers in the house.

I am addicted to doing laundry. I cloth diaper, as you know, and I also enjoy doing the regular laundry. I think it's the organization of it all. I don't always enjoy folding it and sometimes it piles up a little in the hampers, waiting to be put away. I only get to it when I need a hamper. Haha.

That's about it for now.

I want to be Jim and Pam.

The Office followers, you know who I'm talking about. I have seen every episode. In fact, I only got into the show a year-and-a-half ago when I was on maternity leave with my daughter. It was the early days and she was eating all the time and my sister has the entire collection on DVD, so I put the first one in, got addicted, and finished the whole series.

To this day, I cannot watch the episode where Jim and Pam get married without bawling my eyes out.

Does this fairytale romance exist in real-life? Do people really have relationships like that? I want that. I read books and lose myself in the novels and live vicariously through the characters. I think those do exist, but I wonder how long that spark lasts. Are they just rare? Is it eternal [the new love feeling]? I'm sure for some it is, and some couples really do have that much love for each other all their lives. Are some men just the silent type who keep their feelings in, and they just don't get all mushy and romantic, even if they love their significant other?

I love my husband, but I really do live for my kids. They make me feel whole and complete and loved and special and I am their whole world, as they are mine. I feel that that is enough, but sometimes I find myself wanting to be looked at adoringly, or crushed at, or winked at. Maybe I'm just past my prime.

For now, I will just watch Jim and Pam, even if they are just characters on t.v. and maybe nobody does have a relationship like that.

Elise's vocabulary at 18 months

Mama
Dada
DeDe (baby)
Appo (apple)
Nana (banana)
Socks
Hot
Bite
Hi
Bubbohs (bubbles)
Ayya (hello)
Ah Gahn (all gone)
De Ennn (The End)
Buh-bye
Poopoo
Di (diaper)
Up
Cup (water)
Butt
Goat
Ant
Kkk (kitty)
K (book)
Boobie
Boohbah (blueberry)
Cado (avocado)
Teese (cheese)
Num num
Uh-oh
No
Bah (ball)
Coh (cow)
Duck
Purpoh (purple)
Sues (shoes)
Cah (car)
Bir (bird)
Mine
Cuppie (caterpillar)
Wow
Buh (bus)

It's been almost 4 weeks!

I apologize for the lack of posts lately. I have been busy, as you can expect. Things are going very well, overall. Going to three wasn't bad, and I feel it was easier than going to two (but that could just be that Andrew is at a much better age now at 4 than he was at 2.5 when Elise came along).

I have been taking pictures so I'll share some from the last 3.5 weeks. Jameson sure is growing nicely! He was 6 lbs, 13 oz. at birth and 6 lbs, 9 oz. when we left the hospital. At his 2 week well check, he was all the way up to 8 lbs, 3 oz.! The pediatrician said that is awesome.

We also took Andrew and Elise to their well checks (his 4 year and her 18 month) -- Andrew is 43.3" tall (95th percentile) and 36 lbs (57th percentile) and Elise is 32" tall (60th percentile) and 22 lbs, 9 oz. (22nd percentile).

So, here are the aforementioned and long overdue pics! ;)

All three kids together (this was the morning after we returned from the hospital). I regret that it's not a great quality image; it was taken with the point-and-shoot:



Then I did Jameson's newborn shoot at 3 days of age:

















































A couple more recent pics -- you really can notice a change!: